I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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