so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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