Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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