one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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