My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
