I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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