you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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