I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
