Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize