Michael Bay diarrhea
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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