just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Randomize
