My nipple is on Facebook.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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