Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I think I won the penis lottery.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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