dude i'm inner monologue high
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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