I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
