This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
