Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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