3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
