I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
