Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
