I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We have started to decorate penises.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
