oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
