I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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