I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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