Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
