you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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