You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
