Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I seem to have left my pride at pride
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
