Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
