Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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