matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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