he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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