how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
