I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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