Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize