the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
