we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize