I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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