I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Someone shit on the floor
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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