Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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