I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
