I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
