after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
