Soap is not a condiment
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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