left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize