why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
