i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
