I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
