too bad you live with your parents still
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
