drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
