I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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