Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
