I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
