it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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