I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
