if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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