he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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