jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Where did you get a picture of my penis
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
