I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
