So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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