someone threw a dead crab at me
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
