Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
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