I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
