i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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