i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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