if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
This is the prime rib incident all over again
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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