did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
