Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize