Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
