We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
