I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
