so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize