The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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