Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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