Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
