And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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