i was rollin on her like bob the builder
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
If I die, sorry about rent.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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