I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
wat bout pragnant strippers??
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Sober January is a disaster.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize