Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Who died my cat blue again?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
