I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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