Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
