I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
