these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
birth control should be required to get into college
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
