I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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