singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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