omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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