Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
