im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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