she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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